7 Reasons Not To Mess With Children.

1. A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah.” The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?” The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."

2. A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God.” The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like” Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
3. A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?” Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
4. One day a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?” Her mother replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white.” The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white?"

5. The children had all been photographed, and the teacher was trying to persuade them each to buy a copy of the group picture” Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you are all grown up and say, 'There's Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, He's a doctor.” A small voice at the back of the room rang out, "And there's the teacher, she's dead."

6. A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, she said, "Now, class, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face.” Yes," the class said.” Then why is it that while I am standing upright in the ordinary positions the blood doesn't run into my feet?” AA little fellow shouted, "Cause your feet isn’t empty."

7. The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching.” Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want God is watching the apples.”

10 Things To Ask Potential Babysitters

10 Things To Ask Potential Babysitters

Choosing a qualified babysitter is one of the most important things a parent can do. So it's important that she not only have a rapport with children, but that she meets some other basic qualifications.

1. Ask her to come to your home for a visit.
Ideally, the candidate should visit your home, interact with your children and spend time with you face-to-face.

2. Ask her age.
Some experts advise against hiring a babysitter who is younger than 13 years old. Ultimately, it's your call. But age should always be a factor in an informed decision.

3. Ask her to talk about herself.
One of the best ways to get to know an interviewee simply is to ask. That's why "Tell me about yourself" is one of the most common requests of interviewers. By asking this question, you give your candidate an opportunity to be herself. That way, you get a chance to know her as a person. (To help facilitate a frank and open conversation, don't hesitate to tell your potential babysitter about your own hobbies and interests.)

4. Ask her why she likes babysitting.
It may sound simple — and this question certainly is straightforward — but give your candidate an opportunity to explain what attracts her to babysitting. After all, there are plenty of jobs available to an industrious young person. Find out why this is the job your candidate wants.

5. Ask what experience she has with children the same age as your child.
Babysitting a 2 year old is a quantum leap from keeping an eye on a 5 year old. So ask about your candidate's babysitting experiences.

6. Ask the sitter about what training she's received.
What first-aid training has your candidate received? Has she learned CPR or the Heimlich maneuver? Also, remember to ask about any babysitting classes she may have taken.

7. Ask practical, open-ended questions.
Scenario-based questions often are a good way to get to know how someone thinks. For example, you might ask your candidate practical "what-if" type questions, such as: What meal would you prepare for my kids while I'm gone? What kinds of games do you like to play with kids? How would you help my kids get ready for bed?

8. Ask more pointed what-ifs.
Once you've handled the more pragmatic, scenario-based questions, venture into less familiar waters by presenting questions that require slightly more thoughtful responses, such as: What would you do if my kids refused to go to bed? How would you comfort a worried or flustered child? How would you explain to my child that it's just too cold to go outside?

9. Ask about payment expectations.
It's a good idea to agree to payment expectations early on. Fees vary, but an experienced babysitter can usually expect to make between $5 and $10 an hour. If you have more than one child, sitters will most likely expect extra pay.

10. Ask for references.
Finally, ask your candidate to provide a list of references. Past performance is likely one of the most important factors to consider when reaching a decision.